I am joining an AA group.

Arrogant Anonymous. I think I should find if such a group exists. Much of my time in Mississippi has been a typical experience. Typical in that all of my expectations have been flipped on end. What I thought I knew to be right is wrong, etc. it's a good time but difficult. I continue week after week to come to the end of myself. I went to church on Wednesday and they talked about James 4, God gives grace to the humble. So good to know, cause I admit my weakness. 

Today I met with an almost 91 year old professor who used to do foreign missions. I left in house in tears. I feel incredibly inept. 

Twenty years ago leaving home and going to the nations didn't feel sacrificial. It felt adventurous. Today I no longer have youth, health, and zeal on my side. But I am more in love today then I was twenty years ago. That makes all the difference. He is so worth it! Oh, that they would know him and see him. Taste and see, Chattah's. (Chattah is what the Choctaw call themselves. it sounds a lot like Choctaw without the hard C in the middle.) That is my prayer. 

All I know is this song by Jason Upton is so true for me in this season.  "In your presence all fear is gone. In your presence, it's where I belong. In your presence, there is healing. Father I am waiting, i need to hear from you, to know that you are approving of what i say and do. cause nothing really satisfies like when you speak my name. so tell me that youll never leave and everything will be ok. Father i am returning to things I used to do, because somewhere on the journey I think I lost hold of the truth. Nothing really satisfies, like when you speak my name. So tell me that you'll never leave and everything will be ok."

I took a type of personality test this week for the internship. My top five strengths are restorative, Relator, ideation, individualistic and communicator. I want to grow my communication and ideation strengths through the process of storytelling. Many cultures around the world do not use written communication. So how can we effectively communicate the gospel to people like that. I really love the description about the restorative part of me. It says, "it is a wonderful feeling to identify the undermining factors, eradicate them and restore something to its true glory." I am so undone by that sentence. It is the most accurate description of my heartbeat and life's passion. My friend Ben once told me that he feels like I "mourn Eden." Oh that humanity would be restored to its true glory so that we can cast our crowns down at His feet. Oh that the bride would be made new, clean and ready. Oh for the day when we will see him face to face. Come quickly, Lord Jesus. I am homesick. This world has nothing that will satisfy me. Nothing magnifies my eternal homesickness like being terrestially home sick too. Longing is good. It is healthy to be able to sit I the longing withou giving up. Most people experience the longing and are restless and run to something else to find satisfaction. The whole idea is that in the longing, we will run to the only thing that's satisfies. In Song of Songs 1:4, the maidens say, "how right they are to adore you." The world will only see that He is worthy when they see the bride worship with abandon in the hard times. Nothing else will satisfy. Let that be my life's message.