Nothing is as I want it to be. I have no friends to drink coffee with, no familiar haunts to hang out at, no people who know me and can hear my long rambling monologues. I am in a tiny town, with practically zero community, no transportation of my own, and rely on the kindness of the relative strangers to get my needs met.
As for this work of "missions", I am a typical type A westerner and really prefer to be productive. My sense of self worth and satisfaction is directly related to my capacity to produce something. Other cultures don't follow the same rules, even if they are in America. Other cultures beat to a different rhythm. So I sit here at the office wanting desperately to "do" something but again I am limited in what I can accomplish by western perspectives. At this stage I am limited to building relationships with people, praying (which unfortunately doesn't come easy when I am frustrated at my surroundings), and trusting. I know that the day will come when I will have plenty to do, but today I must wait. I am waiting for appointments to be made, connections to happen, and all the resources to show up at the same place. When this happens, it will be glorious. I will get to meet the tribal Chief, Phyllis Anderson and do a series of audio recordings for children's bible story DVDs. That project will be a lot of fun. In my waiting, I have been able to have some great conversations about topics in Romans, which are hopefully very helpful to our translator Leonard.
I am anxious. I am out of control, meaning I have no way to have influence over my surroundings or circumstances. I know logically that it will be ok, but nevertheless it is painful. There are situations here and at home that feel like they are falling apart and all I can do is trust in The Lord. Sometimes that is easier said than done. Ultimately, I am grateful for this season which feels a lot like a wine press. Get this junk out of my heart. Jesus be the prince of peace in my heart again!
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