Winding down

Most of life is about managing expectations. We expect that when we do xyz we will get abc results. When going into new circumstances, it's hard not to dream of what may be, but invariably somewhere those dreams become expectations. Will Reagan has a song that says, "I will climb this mountain with my hands wide open." That's really hard to do. 

I came into this internship with a laundry list of expectations and a "honey-do list" of ways I could appropriately, efficiently, and self-assuredly know that I was in fact serving God this summer. I arrived at my destination but my 'baggage' didn't make the flight. I was left stranded and naked, my only choice was to let God clothe me appropriately for this adventure. I am pretty self righteous and think I know what's best on most any given day. Even just yesterday as I was talking with a lady, I realized that some of the stuff I have done here, might just be more spectacular and long reaching than what I had thought. I'll be honest, there is a part of me that wants to be dismissive of my time in Mississippi. I didn't feel fireworks. No one got saved, healed, or anything like that. Maybe I am a spiritual adrenaline junkie. Or maybe my vision is wrong. Maybe my time here has been incredibly significant and I won't know that answer until the side. Or maybe, God is giving me an invitation to see things differently. To be grateful in the midst of the mundane. If you haven't read 1000 gifts by Ann Voskamp, go purchase it right now! So here's a quick list of things I am grateful for/have learned this summer:

1. I have seen a people who are a lot like me. They have been hurt a bunch, are slow to open their hearts, but incredibly beautiful nonetheless. 

2. I have seen the persistence and determination of God in my own life, as he has encouraged me to dawn my own badger hat and persevere. 

3. They that wait on The Lord will renew their strength. They that wait on the Lords timing and opportunities will be very pleased.

4. His burden is easy. I often carry someone else's burden. It's not so easy.

5. Relationships don't work in isolation. Interdependence is vital to healthy relationships. 

6. Someone has to be the first to go low, to be vulnerable and dependent in order to create interdependence. 

7. What is good for the soul is not necessarily good for the body. Keeping both happy is hard work. 

8. Sometimes being obedient to the spirits prompting, even if you think it's 'not that big of a deal' is really a big deal. 

9. If my summer was summed up by "I was obedient that one day you asked me to do something", and her life is different forever, then it was worth it. 

10. If by Gods design, a woman taught a man about some random truth theologically, and that impacted the way a whole culture knows Jesus and His Kingdom, then that wins twice.

I have one week left here. I don't have any idea what it will look like. I really have no proof that I have done anything significant for the Choctaw people. Only Jesus knows that. He is ultimately who matters. Him and his imago Dei, the Choctaw.